Stories - Hope Through Depression and Anxiety

Clear back to the age of 2, Ellen can remember struggling with depression and anxiety. She grew up believing she was not lovable. She’s had 3 kids in her life and each one has struggled with the same tendencies because Ellen didn’t know how to deal with it herself, so she didn’t know how to teach them to deal with it. When she got divorced, her depression and anxiety peaked and she was hospitalized for attempting suicide. “I had just had kind of checked out and was just trying to survive day to day.” Her son struggled with traumatic brain injury as well as PTSD from being in the military and physical pain from a three wheeler accident he was in. Sinking deeper and deeper into depression, he eventually couldn’t bear it anymore and took his own life. This left Ellen to take care of his two daughters along with raising her own kids. “I was a Christian. I just didn’t have the faith that God was who He said He was.” She remembers during this low point in her life going into her dark bathroom, laying on the floor, and crying out to God to help. “I can look back at that moment and see that that was the place where things began.”

Ellen hadn’t been to church in 10 years, but her grandchildren begged her to go because they said people at church were nice to them. So they started coming to Silver Creek Fellowship and Ellen was encouraged every week by what she heard in the sermons. “Every time Rob preached, there was some little piece of hope, some piece of truth that I hadn’t grasped before. I just kind of started coming alive again.” Ellen then went to an SCF women’s conference. One night, the women were praying for people and as things were winding down, Ellen asked for prayer. The women surrounded her and began singing over her and felt like that was God speaking to her. After that moment, Ellen didn’t feel a huge change inside of here, but as she was driving home she heard God speak to her saying, “If your father loves you and can give you good gifts on earth, how much more do you think I love you?” She felt the amazing presence and love of God in that moment. “It changed every bit of my perspective on life.” Ellen started seeking God by praying, reading scriptures to learn more about God, and joined a bible study at SCF. “God had everything orchestrated. I just had to keep stepping towards him and then he made my path go the way it needed to to get out of where I was.”

Ellen admits that she still struggles sometimes with depression and anxiety, but she says it’s a very different situation now because she knows there’s hope. “If I had been successful at committing suicide, I would never have known true joy. I have experienced freedom. I have experienced things I never thought were possible.”

At that moment, God’s love became very personal to me. It changed every bit of my perspective on life.

Ellen Marshall

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